i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
