I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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