I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
