Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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