I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
