Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
