why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
