I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
