I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Come see our sink grown plant.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
