Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We are two peas in an std pod
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
