how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
