life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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