I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
