Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
420 ftw
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
