Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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