Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
