I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
