She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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