You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
