i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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