You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
