Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
