what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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