Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
please don't ironically join a cult
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