so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
