Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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