i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
