we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
