i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
and you fell through a lawn chair
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