Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
