I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
