Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
