She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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