I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just pee around me
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
