I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
