if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
