so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
