Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
