the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
