i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
