Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
