so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
