I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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