I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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