Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
