3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
