My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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