he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
