I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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