i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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