She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
