I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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