PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
