My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
