its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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