sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
